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  Jen helped Lily pull on the nightdress before taking away the wet towel, then she coaxed Lily under the quilt and put the TV on low, just to provide a little background noise. The silence felt too oppressive otherwise.

  Under the sink Jen found the emergency pint of whisky which she saved for moments of extreme anxiety, and used it to make Lily a hot toddy. She didn’t know whether she’d been given any medication in the hospital so didn’t dare give her any painkillers. She’d have to broach that subject in the morning.

  When the kettle boiled she filled a hot water bottle and went back to the couch, lifting the quilt to rest the bottle on Lily’s tummy, then she passed the toddy glass to her and pressed her fingers to it. “Drink it while it’s still hot.” She had to keep prompting her to swallow it down but thankfully she accepted without complaint.

  Jen studied Lily’s face; she’d done as much as she could to make her physically comfortable. She gently stroked the hair from her forehead and said softly, “this is not the end for you Lily, not by a long shot. You are so much more than this one thing some evil bastard did to you, this isn’t what you are or what you’re going to be.”

  She so desperately didn’t want this one terrible act to be the end of Lily’s life as she knew it, didn’t want Lily to become a shadow of her former self just the same way she had. It was a painful way to live.

  Jen went to her lone armchair - made herself as comfortable as possible, and closed her eyes. She doubted she would sleep but she hoped if it looked like she was it might rub off on Lily.

  ****

  Around 11 the next morning Jen slipped down to Todd’s apartment. It was the first time she’d been there since she’d fallen down the stairs the morning after her arrival. Suddenly it seemed like a matter of months ago rather than days.

  She’d left Lily in the shower again; it was her third one so far - the second had been necessary after she woke up at 7am shaking and in a cold sweat.

  Jen knocked quietly not wanting to wake Todd if he’d managed to get some sleep.

  It was Sebastian who opened the door and he took one look at her exhausted face and enveloped her in a hug.

  Pulling her in the room, she saw Sean asleep on the couch.

  “How’s Lily?” he asked.

  “About what you’d expect - she’s not talking yet. I should only stay a minute I just need to grab some of her things - where’s Todd?” she asked anxiously.

  “We finally got him into bed about an hour ago.”

  Disengaging herself gently from Seb, she crossed the apartment and went to look for Lily’s room. It was the first one she came to, done up in primrose yellow with pretty embroidered bedding. It made her heartsick to see Lily’s sunny nature reflected in this cheery room and then to compare it to the girl trying to shed her own skin upstairs.

  Standing outside the door she hesitated and then decided to give in to the urge to check on Todd.

  She quietly pushed in the door to the next room. He was lying in bed facing her, his bright green eyes bored into her, glowing luminous against the deathly white pallor of his skin - they were filled with sadness. He didn’t speak just pulled back his covers and without further gesture he silently beckoned her.

  Jen went to him, just stopping to slide off her pumps. He stretched out an arm for her to lie on then used it to roll her into his body her arm naturally came to rest lightly on his bare chest. A flicker of apprehension went through her at being this close but she was profoundly aware that nothing would happen today.

  Todd’s other hand reached across to stroke her hair where it rested on his shoulder.

  “Hey,” he said simply.

  “Hey, you’re sposed to be sleeping.”

  “I came to bed just to get Seb off my back. I can’t switch my mind off. I keep fluctuating between roaring anger where I want to tear somebody’s head off, to crying like a baby.”

  Jen’s hand wandered and she stroked the smooth dark brown hair on his chest, savouring the feel of it between her fingers even as she processed what he was saying.

  Not really knowing how to talk about what had happened, Jen chose her words carefully. “Do the police have anything to go on?”

  “Well it was a fake name he used and they’ve taken some DNA samples from Lily,” his voice cracked. “He used a condom, but she managed to scratch him up before he tied her hands. They think he’s the same person that’s done this to three other women that have filed reports.”

  Jen said quietly, “I helped her undress last night and when I saw it, saw everything he’d done, I was sick to my stomach.”

  His hands tightened on her, “I blame myself for letting her go on that date and for not doing more after the fact. A really stupid part of me blames you a little too, you had me distracted.”

  Tears formed in Jen’s eyes. He was only echoing thoughts she’d had herself but it didn’t make it any easier to hear, then he continued, “but mostly all I can think is I’m so glad you’re here.”

  Her tears fell onto his skin and he pulled her further across his body bringing both arms around her. Jen’s arms wrapped around his waist as best she could and a short minute later as her elbow drifted to his hip, she realised something else, and her arm shot upwards.

  Todd looked at her and tweaked her nose. Despite his despair, an urge to find solace in teasing her surfaced briefly and he confirmed what she already knew. “I’m sorry I should have probably warned you that I sleep commando.”

  He smiled sadly at her - his heart not really in it. “Will you keep looking after Lily for me? I’m going to take her home to mom and dads in a few days. She wouldn’t let me tell them about this yet and they’re going to kill me for that but I think she needs a few days rest first, and truthfully it would break mom’s heart to see her so banged up.”

  Jen ran her hand back through Todd’s chest hair and up to his neck he felt so solid and strong. “I’ll do whatever I can for as long as you want, but don’t stay away from her yourself or she may believe you think she’s responsible in some way.”

  She made to tear herself away from the comfort of his body, “I’ve got to go, if she’s not out of the shower by now I’ll have to get her out myself. I’m just going to gather her clothes for a few days.”

  As she moved Todd took her right hand and softly kissed her palm then brushed his lips along the fine lines nuzzling her. “I don’t know what to say to her yet. I’ve always known exactly how to talk to Lily, about anything, but not this. I don’t know what she needs to hear from me.”

  “There are no magic words,” Jen said sadly taking his hand and cupping it to her cheek. “But if I know anything about fear & pain - it’s that right now she probably feels immobilized. Like she can hardly move, breathe or comprehend. As if any tiny step will crush her. But I also know you can come out the other side of that, so for now just be there Todd. Talk will come much later when she’s ready for it.”

  She was almost out the door when the thought struck her. There was another person who cared about Lily. “Todd someone needs to tell Ben.”

  Chapter 7

  That first day Seb, Sean and Todd came to Jen’s place late afternoon. Sean brought Disney movies and they all watched TV saying very little just offering their quiet comfort to each other. Jen sat on the couch with Lily’s head in her lap, and after a while Todd came over and nudged her and they swapped places. Todd resumed gently stroking his sister’s hair, while tears silently slid down her face.

  As the days went on, Jen began to feel the strain. She’d moved Lily into her bedroom, and between not being able to get too comfy on the couch and the fact that every night Lily woke up screaming, Jen grew short on sleep. She’d had a couple of complaints from clients and had had to spend more time on the telephone apologising than she was comfortable doing.

  It was hard to get Lily to eat anything and Jen found it impossible to eat when the other girl wouldn’t, and they both ended up losing weight they didn’t really need to lose.

&
nbsp; During that first week one of the detectives on the case came out just to advise them they hadn’t made much progress yet but that they were doing all they could. It seemed the rapist was a serial offender, and had used a variety of methods to target his victims which made it difficult to find common denominators between the cases. But the physical description was the same from all the girls.

  Todd went to see Ben at the coffee shop and when he told him what had happened, he saw rage and anger on the young man’s face that he wouldn’t have thought him capable of.

  Neither one of them knew whether Lily would want to see him or not, but Todd was touched when he was brave enough to bring flowers the next day and stay for a few minutes. Without saying anything too upsetting for her, he managed to convey that he’d be around if she ever needed him.

  It was hard to watch the look of utter hopelessness on his face as he left.

  As the second week started Sean brought down fabrics and sketches he’d made for Jen, and although it killed her to do it, in the hopes that it would engage Lily she allowed Sean to drape her in brightly coloured satins, silk and lace - pinning and poking her until she felt like screaming.

  She played her part with good grace though, and they played music at full belt as she strutted up and down the living room as if her heart was actually in it. The boys taking turns to be her male model escort.

  That was the first time since the rape when anyone saw Lily smile.

  When using Jen as a catalyst for getting Lily to respond seemed the only way for her to make progress, the three guys dragged them both out on a shopping trip. And while Todd took his sister for coffee - her hands shaking the entire time, Jen had to endure Sean and Sebastian choosing an armload of new lingerie for her to try on.

  When Todd and Lily met back up with them it was to find the three of them having a knock down drag out argument over whether Jen required chicken fillets or gel inserts neither of which she had any intention of buying. “What happened to my breasts being the perfect size for my frame?” she was heard yelling at Sean.

  The stress the whole thing caused Jen was almost worth it for the brief upturn in Lily’s mood.

  There had been no spare time for Todd and Jen to be alone or talk, and she felt him distancing himself from her - even while he seemed to join in any of Sean and Seb’s schemes. But she was ok with that because she was struggling to cope without any sexual innuendo going on.

  After two weeks Lily was physically almost healed and managing to make herself breakfast at least without prompting, but Jen was absolutely exhausted from the physical demands of trying to prop her up and work at the same time.

  Sean and Seb came down from their latest visit with the girls where they’d left Jen asleep on her computer keyboard and tore into Todd.

  “Todd it’s time you took Lily home, Jen can’t take much more of this,” Sean began.

  “He’s right Todd, she generally has a challenge on her hands keeping herself going, but the stress of helping Lily too, well it was ok for a while but enough’s enough.”

  Todd scowled. Because he’d left it far too long without telling his parents, he now felt very apprehensive about dealing with the consequences and knew he’d been a shit, selfishly using Jen while knowing she was struggling.

  A part of him knew he had actually been punishing Jen for what had happened, trying to excuse himself for taking his eye off the ball.

  “Todd have you looked properly at Jen lately, she’s got saddlebags under her eyes, and there is almost two inches less of her than when I first managed to measure her, Lily is looking better than her now, it’s like that girl has poured every bit of her mind and soul into Lily and she’s got nothing left. She needs some space and you shouldn’t need that pointing out to you.”

  ****

  Todd left his apartment and went upstairs, he knocked quietly and Lily opened the door. The stilted brief hug she gave him showing she was clearly still not at ease with him, and then he really did get disgusted with himself because she reminded him so much of Jen and it hit him that Jen had been living with this kind of painful insecurity for years.

  He pulled his sister closer to his chest, and spoke into her ear, “Lily gather up your things, we’re going home. It’s time to deal with all this properly.” He released her and then looked for Jen; she was where Sebastian had said, asleep at her computer - knotty hair matted to her head. The picture of pale exhaustion.

  Jen awakened with a stretch and a self conscious smile as a familiar and comforting set of arms, scooped her up and carried her through to her bedroom. She turned in to the hollow of his throat and breathed in deeply, smelling Todd’s familiar scent. With no little surprise she realised she truly had missed being so close to him and it was nice to be without fear of it, that sensation was new and a little bit thrilling.

  He tenderly placed her in the bed Lily had been occupying and kissed her eyebrow, her temple and the line of her throat. She had grid patterns on her face from the keyboard.

  Todd was bereft, how could he have been so stupid? It shocked him how slight Jen had become. He’d used her to try and fix Lily, and really as the days went on he knew he’d simply been stalling the moment he’d have to admit to his parents how he’d failed, and he felt deeply ashamed of himself.

  He drew the covers up over Jen and leant over her stroking her cheek to wake her again before he told her he’d see her in a few days. She smiled at him not really taking in his words just feeling the faint stirrings that things might be about to turn for the better again.

  When Jen turned over in the bed to get more comfortable, he began gathering up the few belongings of Lily’s that he could see, and then he cast a final look at her before he left the room. She’d pulled the covers up over her face so only her wild hair was visible on the pillow.

  When he came home he was going to make sure everything was different.

  ****

  In the finish Todd was away for ten days. He called Jen a handful of times just to say his parents had taken it better than he’d hoped - although they were pretty furious he’d not told them immediately. They’d all done plenty of crying and talking, but he thought Lily was doing better for being with her mom and they’d found a therapist for her.

  Todd said little about anything to do with the two of them other than to say he missed her and hoped she was eating better. He always sounded embarrassed to be disturbing her which was weird.

  Jen spent most of her time catching up on sleep and work. On several nights Sean and Seb invited themselves over to cook dinner for her, and regaled her with tales of their debauched single days. The third time they came to dinner Sean broached the topic that had been bugging him for ages.

  “Jennifer, are you ever going to take the time to sort out your appalling lack of personal grooming?” he said bluntly, even Seb gasped.

  Jen who was smart enough to have seen this confrontation coming weeks ago, was ready to defend herself.

  “Sean I do as much grooming as I need to do, ok my hair needs cutting but it’s hard to find anybody who can properly cut curly hair.”

  “And what about the fact you go around with more beard on your legs than Todd can grow in a week?”

  At that she did spit out the mouthful of wine she had in her mouth, “how the hell do you know that?”

  “Because my muse I have twice seen you have the nerve to wear three quarter jeans without attending to matters.”

  Jen was starting to get really mad; she only wore those jeans in the privacy of her own home when she was down to her last pair of trousers before laundry day. It wasn’t her fault nobody gave her any peace anymore.

  “What’s going to happen the day Todd really puts the moves on you - are you just going to say, hang on you gorgeous walking sex bomb, I need to spend three hours exfoliating and waxing before you can come near me?”

  “No it’s not going to come to that.”

  Even placid Seb jumped in then, “I’ve got news for you Jen it’s g
oing to happen and if you’re prepared when it does you’ll feel a hell of a lot better about it.”

  “Look you two just because you’re gay it does not mean I have to feel comfortable discussing my non sex life with you. For all you know I might be cultivating that leg hair precisely to put Todd off.”

  “No my darling,” Sean disagreed. “You’ve just completely given up on thinking of yourself as a desirable female, and before Todd comes back Seb and I have decided we are going to ensure, at the very least, that you are de-were wolfed!”

  Jen spluttered temporarily lost for words. Seb leaned over and put a hand on hers, “we’re taking you out tomorrow. I have a client with a fabulous salon and we’re going to have you pampered top to toe. Unfortunately the hairdresser we have in mind for you is on vacation at the moment, so the hair will have to remain for the time being, but I promise you’ll feel like a million dollars.”

  Sean couldn’t help himself, “but I’d stock up on some wine and aspirin if I were you, because it’s going to take a shit load of wax.”

  Jen was about to unleash a storm of curse words on his head when Seb cut in, “Jen before you murder him I think it’s time we showed you something.”

  Sean beamed wickedly at her and they dragged her upstairs to their place. She walked into their living room where there was a garment bag hanging from the curtain rail. “Oh” she said.

  “Come closer said the spider to the fly,” Seb quoted cheekily, “come on open it up, I’m dying to see what you think.”

  With shaky fingers Jen opened the bag; “oh,” she said again, “I didn’t know it was possible to fall in love with a dress.”

  “That waxing seems like a better idea now doesn’t it babe?”

  ****

  The next day passed in a surreal blur for Jen. Sean and Seb picked her up at ten and whisked her to the “Bliss in Bloomington Spa” where she was shown to a private treatment room. At that time in the morning she felt shy accepting a glass of bubbly but accepted purely of course for preventative pain relief slash Dutch courage. She suspected as a guest of the boys, she was getting special treatment, and was further relieved when her beautician was the least over the top glamorous and most friendly.